e s o p h o r i a - it's all about how you perceive me.

Wow, you're going to 3rd year! cool!!!! i'm going to 2nd year this april 6
:(, i wish i was 3rd yr. But eventhough you're going 3rd year and i'm going 2nd year, were gonna graduate on the same time... i think. Coz next year you're 4th yr, and i'm 3rd yr. (we only have upto 3rd year here.)
Wow! SILVER MEDAL!!!! that's great! CONGRATULATIONS :D, i'm so happy for ya! You have been off for a long time, but it's good you posted :)

>>About your problem, yeah, i understand you and of course i know how you feel, cozi also felt that emptiness inside, but don't worry my friend coz, i'm here for ya :) you're not alone. They say it's a part of being a teen ager, or being a fourteen yr, old. There's this stage where you feel lonely, but i know you're gonna get over it! 'Ikaw pa!'
*Oh, and the about 'i think this is not me'--> i also thought about that...
There has been a time where i thought of giving up, and just stay lonely, in the darkness... coz, no one really cares, no one's here to listen no one. I saw this webbie, called PHQ- Personal Halfquake. It's a sadistic guild :K i was so lonely at that time... i joined that site. There's a personal journal thingy there. I wrote stuff... blah blah, blah, my feelings, and everything. I wrote it all, and thought that no one would care if i write what i feel... well i was wrong. Some people commented, and it made me feel good. I started to get over my loneliness, i felt that the emptiness has gone.
That's why i feel good... now, sometimes i hear things that are not so good, that are about me, sometimes, they judge me, sometimes, they backstab me, but i just ignored them, and continued my life, coz i have one, i have a dream that i wanna reach... and of course you too.*
>>.............. ehem.... did i just....said that? *reads again*
i thinks it's pretty dark....anyways, CHEER UP!
i don't know what's making you lonely and empty if it's love, life, people, or you're just lonely, but i hope that you'll cheer up.
Oh, and about the shutting yourself from everyone, and you're a bit silent to your family, about your feelings, that's not really healthy, so. Maybe you can share your feelings to someone, close to you, umm....me? *hehehe*, because it's heavy to carry your burden all by yourself :(... and the shutting yourself... i think you're saying is that, you're afraid of trusting people, well it's ok. But maybe you can be open, but be cautious? or... guarded... what's that word...but, you can stay on guard... i think.
>>I dunno if these, things helped you. but i hope it does :D even a bit.

Oh, and there's one more thing, you should never forget :D
SMILE :)

xxXWhiteRoseXxx
12:52 AM

>>hi! *hehe* its been a long time since I last posted, I wish our PC has DSL connection so that I can open the internet everyday. *joke* It's already summer vacation here, how about you Gem? Ican't believe enrollment is already starting this March 31. Recognition was just a week ago then enrollment was already starting. Anyway, guess what, I got a silver medal in the recognittion. I really never expected it because the afternoon section are really better than me. But you know what? Somehow I feel empty...that's why I'm sharing my happiness with you Gem, because there's really no one here.. who cares.

>>It's reallly weird and funny but it's a fact, loneliness eating me alive. And perhaps I have shut myself from the people around me. Come to think of it, I barely speak to my family about what's happening inside me. I want to say that I'm hurting but my lips just won't part. It's really hard for me to say it. Sometimes I even think that this person is not me. Do you think it's stupid to think like that? Do you think it's good for me to be alone for a while? Do you think I can get through this?

Akemi Agura
6:54 PM

Wow the days are fast and time goes by fast too. Spring break is naer, and then after that i'm going to be in 2nd year :p... yeah, i'm gonna be 2nd year... i actually am advanced and i am supposed to be 2nd year now, but here in japan, I need to be on the grade that's right for my age :( how sad... yeah sad... especially for me! :'( *cry* anyways it's ok :p, i can't do anything about it :(
My computer is broken and i'm using my dad's, the one he bought for his self... shhh...
:D

xxXWhiteRoseXxx
12:01 AM

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